


Peter and Derek's Bondage Adventure Continues

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [83]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bondage, Crack, Derek is a Failwolf, Drabble, Humor, M/M, Not Safe Sane and Consensual, Peter Has No Finger, Safewords, Spoilers, Torture, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles returns, but he doesn't look like Stiles.  In fact, he isn't Stiles.  Oh well.  They can still have torture fun times, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peter and Derek's Bondage Adventure Continues

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 3x14

*chainsaw sounds*

 **Derek:**  Stiles? Did you bring us snacks?

 **Peter:** Y-ye-e-ah. Al-ll-so, co-ould y-yo-u t-t-tur-n o-off th-e vi-br-rat-or?

*chainsaw wielding guy enters*

 **Derek:**  Stiles? You look much more beardy than you were a minute ago…

 **Peter:** It-t-s be-e-en d-ay-s!

 **Derek:**  No it hasn’t, you big baby. You asked for the vibrating butt plug, so you gotta live with the vibrating butt plug.

 **Peter:**  E-ea-sy f-f-for you-u t-to s-say! Y-you d-don-n’t h-ha-

 **Chainsaw Guy:**  Shut up, or i’ma saw your limbs off.

 **Derek:**  Geez, Stiles! You really get grumpy when you’re hungry…

 **Chainsaw Guy:** I’m not a ‘Stiles.’ What even is a ‘Stiles?’ Now. Where is the she-wolf?

 **Derek:**  Do you mean Laura? ‘Cause she’s dead. Or Erica? Also dead. Cora? Funny story, I thought she was dead, then she wasn’t dead, then she accidentally ate wolfsbane, and now she’s…

 **Chainsaw Guy:**  Shut up! I’ma chop your head off!

 **Scary Old Lady:**  Arrêté!

 **Derek:**  Stiles! You’ve come to save us!

 **Scary Old Lady:** Je n’suis pas un ‘stiles’. Qu-est ce qu’un ‘stiles’?

 **Derek:**  No hablo espagnole?

 **Scary Old Lady:**  That’s French, dumbass.

 **Derek:**  Whatever. I only know German and Russian. The languages of pain. I don’t do well with romance. Languages.

 **Scary Old Lady:**  Whatever. Tell me what I want to know, or I will torture your uncle!

 **Derek:**  Torture Peter? Oh, be my guest.

 **Peter:**  B-b-bitch!

 **Derek:**  Don’t even try with me. You’ll love it.

 **Peter:**  True. I do love torture.

 **Derek:**  No more stuttering?

 **Peter:** I think the battery is low. Plus, autocorrect keeps ‘fixing’ it for the author. It was driving her crazy.

 ** **Scary Old Lady** :** Autocorrect? She should really stop writing these on her phone.

 **Derek:**  Yeah. Plus, I thought the stuttering was a good bit.

 **Peter:**  Me too. But anyway. Torture?

 **Scary Old Lady:** I’m going to cut off your fingers.

 **Peter:**  What?!? That isn’t fun torture! I’m too pretty to be maimed!

 **Scary Old Lady:**  None the less…

 **Peter:**  Oh my god! Cuddle bunny! CUDDLE BUNNY!!!!

 **Scary Old Lady:**  Is that a clue to finding the she-wolf?

 **Derek:**  Nah. It’s his safe word.

 **Scary Old Lady:**  Ah. Then I will keep going. Perhaps until I know your safe word too?

 **Derek:**  Mine is ‘Sexy Scotty’. But you really shouldn’t be trying to get us to safe word. It’s kinda bad form unless the scene is—

 **Scary Old Lady:**  Oh my God. That’s it. Let’s just kill them.

*crashes and gunfire*

 **Derek:**  Yay! Stiles is here to save us!

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:** *entering* I’m here to save you!

 **Derek:**  Stiles? You look much tanner than you did last time I saw you. And more female. Oooh! Is this a gender swap thing? ‘Cause I want boobs!!!

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:**  What?  

 **Peter:**  Could you possibly hand me my finger?

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:**  Anyway, I was sent here to rescue you. Apparently, the sex torture dungeon has been compromised.

 **Derek:**  Oh. That makes that whole chainsaw thing make a lot more sense. So, Stiles sent you to get us out?

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:** Deucalion, actually.

 **Derek:** You mean Stiles, don’t you? I heard Stiles.

 **Peter:**  Me too.

 **Author:**  So did I.

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:** Deucalion. I said Deucalion.

 **Derek:**  Speaking of Stiles, do we have time for me to go get Stiles’ anniversary present? I put it in the back room under a pile of mountain ash in a rowan box.

 **Awesome Assassin Chick:**  Fine. But we have to hurry.

*she unties Derek, they go to leave*

 **Peter:**  Um. Wanna untie me? Or give me my finger back? OR TURN OFF THIS BLOODY VIBRATOR? HELLO? DONT LEAVE ME HERE!!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
